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Om Mani Padme Hum
There is a force within which gives you life - seek that... In your body lies a priceless gem - seek that... O, wandering soul, if you want to find the greatest treasure, don't look outside - look inside, and seek that - Rumi |
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Who am I - really?
This has been the question I've been asking my whole life.... I've always had a sense that I wasn't just the labels, the personality, the stories, the experiences that come with the character named Lauren. Neither was I ever interested in following a career, being 'successful', being wealthy or impressing others... - I had a sense that none of that mattered nor added anything to 'Me' (the character named Lauren). I couldn't live a life chasing 'more'... or creating an image based on how I looked or what I did... I knew there was a deeper reality... and finding that has always been my life orientation. Over the years, as for many others, Reality has revealed itself in glimpses - what you might call 'mystical experiences' - when the veil of ego temporarily drops away and one is suddenly immersed in Truth, Clarity and Bliss - 'SatChitAnanda'. These glimpses feel like gifts and keep the search for Truth alive. The existential questions: What am I?, What is Life?, What is God? led me to explore various 'disciplines', I suppose you could call them - Sufism, Yoga, meditation, dance (5 rhythms, bio-dance, ecstatic), shamanism, animal communication... and it's been a lot of fun exploring them all. The story of Lauren has been an adventurous one thus far. I've recently realised however, that despite all the teachings instructing one to 'look within', by exploring the various 'disciplines', I was, still, in a way, looking outside! Although the 'disciplines' can be portals, so to speak, to the inner world, I was, in a way, attached to the 'disciplines' and, to some extent, defined myself by being a practitioner / teacher of the so-called disciplines. I was 'focussing on the finger that was pointing to the moon'. I've recently realised that I wasn't 'looking within' quite deeply enough - in fact, the 'disciplines' were obstacles to me going deeper!!! |
I now realise that what I was yearning for is so much simpler than doing any practice -
so much deeper, so much closer, so much more intimate and accessible than I could've imagined!
I know now that who I really am... is actually that for which I've been searching all these years...
- there's no gap, no space between what's looking... and what one's looking for... - it's the same thing!
I'm still in the habit of perceiving through my ego, this body-mind, the conditioning - but more and more, I'm conscious of the ever present stillness of what and who I truly am at the most fundamental level.
i.e. I'm the ocean, not simply the wave.
There's still searching going on, in a way, but it's much more subtle, and there's a knowing that searching blocks the immediate access to Reality. So I'm no longer looking outside, chasing blissful experiences or trying to manipulate how I feel through various practices or activities. I prefer to simply experience life as it shows up.
'You need not reach out for what is already with you!
Your very reaching out makes you miss it!
Give up the idea that you have not found It...
and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now,
by removing all that is of the mind'.
- Nisargadatta Maharaj
so much deeper, so much closer, so much more intimate and accessible than I could've imagined!
I know now that who I really am... is actually that for which I've been searching all these years...
- there's no gap, no space between what's looking... and what one's looking for... - it's the same thing!
I'm still in the habit of perceiving through my ego, this body-mind, the conditioning - but more and more, I'm conscious of the ever present stillness of what and who I truly am at the most fundamental level.
i.e. I'm the ocean, not simply the wave.
There's still searching going on, in a way, but it's much more subtle, and there's a knowing that searching blocks the immediate access to Reality. So I'm no longer looking outside, chasing blissful experiences or trying to manipulate how I feel through various practices or activities. I prefer to simply experience life as it shows up.
'You need not reach out for what is already with you!
Your very reaching out makes you miss it!
Give up the idea that you have not found It...
and just let it come into the focus of direct perception, here and now,
by removing all that is of the mind'.
- Nisargadatta Maharaj